


Daybreak

by schim



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bakeneko, M/M, Masturbation, Spirits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:21:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schim/pseuds/schim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin, a bored University student, lives alone until he rescues a little silver kitten. </p>
<p>But it isn't a normal kitten. It is a Bakeneko, a cat demon with the ability to take human form. A demon also known to kill and eat people. Something compels him to keep the little monster, something he can't explain. </p>
<p>As the little demon grows, is Rin raising his own death?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I have to note that this ISN'T playing on a shota kink at all. Rin doesn't do anything with Ai when he is young.
> 
> Rated Explicit for what happens in the later chapters.

Autumn's chill bit hard, unseasonably so. Not even half the leaves had fallen before whispers of winter rode on whipping winds. Rin's hair, pulled back into a loose ponytail, followed wherever the wind pulled it. Years in university had left his hair long and for months he'd neglect getting a trim. Whenever a few strands would threaten to go for his face, he simply pulled the collar of his coat up a bit higher. Already his ears were red and the stone of his black plugs were cold in his earlobes.

“Mrrrrao--!”

Rin looked down to be greeted by a fluffy, striped orange cat who rubbed up against his leg. A smile warmed Rin's cold face as he shifted the weight of his backpack.

“Afternoon, Cooper. Staying warm today?” Rin took more care in each step as the cat wove between his legs. “Ah, be careful. If I fall, then you'd have to wait even longer. Wouldn't like that now would you, eh?”

“Prrao rao.” Cooper hopped in front of Rin, looking up at him with a wide meowing mouth.

“Thought so,” Rin breathed a hint of a laugh as he turned towards a little alleyway, slipping his bag off his shoulders. Crouching down on the pavement, he started to unzip his bag. Other cats, ones that had been hiding or lounging about, perked up at the sound before all prancing towards Rin in a chorus of meows.

“Hello, hello.” Rin reached out to pet a few of them, who all rubbed into the touch. The ones who weren't nuzzling him instead nuzzled his bag. They knew what was inside. “Your winter coat is coming in very nice, isn't it, Marie? Biscuit, you're fat. Are there little babies in there? Hmm, girl?”

The cats continued to cry and a few more showed up. Rin nodded and set some plates down with a breathy, “okay okay, alright!” Patience was something the cats had little of and the ones who didn't sniff the bare plates tried to stick their heads into his bag, but were quickly, and gently, shooed away.

“You'll get some, don't be greedy.” Rin lifted a big bag of dry cat food out of his backpack and poured equal portions onto the nearest plate. As soon the kibble was in reach, the cats dove in. “Ah, not all on one, come on now. There is plenty.” Rin scooted the plates so there were fair distances away from each other.

With the food down, quiet returned to the alley.

Then, Rin heard it.

A soft sound. It was distant and had a hint of something to it. Something sad and desperate, like crying. Yes, definitely crying.

“Eh?”

Tired, raspy and strained, whatever it was, it was very weak. Rin stood, following the sound to a storm drain at the edge of the sidewalk. There, at the bottom, amid garbage and muddy leaves, was a tiny shivering ball of dirty gray fur. Bright blue eyes and the tiny bit of exposed pink with each struggle of a meow were all that gave it away as a cat amid the trash.

Not a cat, a kitten.

“Ah. How'd you get down there!?” Rin gripped the bars of the grate, ignoring the filth and slime that coated them.

It was heavy, but throwing a bit of force into it, Rin was able to slide the cover off to the side. The cries of the little kitten didn't stop, but they grew weaker, as if at any moment it'd lose its little voice.

“Shh, hey, it's okay.” Rin dropped down to his stomach and reached into the depths of the drain to scoop up the little kitten. It was light, very light. Rin frowned, who knew how long it had been down there. “You're so cold,” Rin sat up and pulled the kitten close, which huddled against his warmth, “and dirty.”

The kitten wasn't one that regularly haunted that particular area. For months Rin had been feeding the cats there and even the most timid of mothers would bring their babies. It wasn't too young, definitely one old enough to be weaned off milk and on to solid food. The mud and wet of the drain only made it look even skinner, nothing but bones and messy fur.

Rin sighed as he rose. “You need a bath--- and a warm place to stay. It's no good leaving you here.”

The kitten trembled hard as Rin retrieved his backpack. Once the bag was slung back over his shoulder, he opened his coat up and plopped the little kitten into one of his deep, inner pockets. It would be nice and warm in there.

“Let's get you home.” Before Rin left, he turned back to the other cats. “I'll be back tomorrow. Stay safe until then--, all of you.”

All the way home, Rin could feel the kitten's tiny body shake against his chest, but at least it had settled down.

“You'll be okay, little one.” Rin smiled at the tiny shivering lump under his coat.

 

\----------

 

It was straight to the bathroom once they got home. The kitten sat on the counter, watching as Rin filled the sink with warm water. Its head tilted with a great fascination at the way the water poured out and it looked up at Rin with a peep of a meow. Rin smiled, petting its head with his thumb.

“Forgive me for this, okay lil one?” Rin's voice lowered to something much softer as he picked the kitten up and set it down in the water.

Instead of struggling or showing any bit of fear, the kitten instead looked around before batting at the tip of its tail from under the water. It was a very long tail for a kitten its age and was the first thing Rin set to clean with some cat friendly shampoo. While he had never kept a cat of his own before, this wasn't the first he had bathed. When Rin's fingers worked up to clean the rest of its fur, the kitten purred, leaning into the touch.

“So you like the water, eh?” Rin let out a little laugh when the kitten tried to attack the faucet, seemingly mesmerized by its own distorted reflection. “You're a special little, ah,” Rin lifted up the kitten's tail, “boy, aren't you?”

After his bath, it was like he was a new kitten. Free of the mud and filth, his fur was not gray, but more of a silver. It shimmered in the light before Rin wrapped a thick towel around him. There was a bit of black still under the kitten's eye and Rin thumbed at it, but it wouldn't come off. It seemed that the little dot was simply the kitten's fur.

How odd.

It was almost as if the little guy had a beauty mark.

Once dry, at least mostly dry, the kitten's tail fluffed up a bit. He wasn't a long-haired cat, but not quite short-haired either. Rin ran his hand down from the little kitten's head to his tail. Soft was an understatement. The fur was unlike anything he had ever felt on an animal before. Its softness was almost dreamlike.

Rin smiled as he rubbed under the kitten's chin, who purred before letting out a squeak of a meow.

“Okay, a bit of food first and then let's get you checked up, alright? You're so thin,” the smile on Rin's face weakened a bit, “let's hope you're not a bad sick.”

 

 ----------

 

While the kitten seemed to enjoy the coat pocket ride to a nearby pet store, he did not appreciate the visit to the attached clinic. A few shots and a checkup later, Rin was relieved to hear that the kitten would be okay. All he needed was some fattening up and he'd be fine. It had been a big day for the little one and by the time Rin started browsing the aisles for supplies, the little kitten was fast asleep in his pocket.

Long ago, Rin had made a promise to himself to not bring any cats home. He knew that it would just lead to more and more, but this one was different. Already he could feel his heart grow attached to the little guy, like he was something precious.

Rin paused when he came across a rack of collars. One of those would nearly seal the deal.

Possible names ran through Rin's mind as he eyed the selection. Naming him would doom him, but he was okay with that. Maybe it was the fact he saved the little guy that brought on such a connection so fast. It wasn't like he was the first kitten he'd ever come across. Other kittens were just as cute, but never did Rin feel the need to keep them in his life.

Rin pulled a collar down from the shelf and tucked it in his basket.

It'd be a good change to have some life in his apartment again. The quiet that hung in the air was nice at times but painful at others. Of course he wouldn't admit his growing loneliness to anyone, even his friends.

They had their own lives to lead, their own dreams to follow.

 

 ----------

 

“Okay, now here.” Rin pulled back from pouring kitty litter into a litter box. When it was full enough, he lifted up the kitten and set him inside. “This is for potty.”

The kitten gave the litter a sniff before he hopped out with a tiny, “myao.”

Rin put him back.“Potty. Okay? This is your _potty_.”

Even if he didn't use it right away, it was important he knew where it was. The last thing he needed was to find little surprises all over his apartment. Instead of trying to make his escape a second time, the kitten settled down, curling his paws underneath himself. A purr set on and he closed his little eyes.

“Hey.” Rin pulled him up into his arms. “I said potty, not bed. Bed is over here.”

“Prraao-aow,” trilled the little kitten as Rin carried him across the room.

“Mhmm, that's right,” Rin hummed a content sigh as he petted down along the kitten's back.

“Myao myao.” The kitten lifted his head up into the touch, his long tail swaying like a silver, smoky trail.

Before he plopped onto his bed, Rin grabbed the collar from his bedstand. “Oh yeah? Is that so? Tell me more. I'm all ears, kid.” He set the kitten down and it took wide steps across his covers as tiny paws sunk into the fabric.

“Myaorra--.”

Rin touched the tip of the kitten's nose with a gentle finger.“Boop, heh.”

The kitten sneezed in response.

A heavy sigh poured out of Rin as he reached back, undoing his ponytail. Red hair spilled down over his shoulders as he ruffled his hands through it. “You are just too fucking cute. Ugh. Too cute. Here. Come here, I've got something for you.”

It was a bit big, the collar, but he would grow into it. Rin leaned back to admire it after putting it around the little kitten's neck. It was black, sleek and simple, with a bell, shiny and silver, dangling at the front. Confused at first, the kitten wiggled about, trying to play with it. With every movement, he jingled.

“You'll get used to it, hmm, ah.” Again names ran through his head, and then Rin smiled. “Ai. You'll get used to it, Ai.”

It felt good when Rin finally laid his head down on his pillow. The day wasn't stressful, but indeed busy. Ai climbed up onto the pillow and Rin smiled again when the sound of purring was warm beside his ear. It was such a strong sound to come from something so small. As if Rin's hair was a nest, Ai nestled into it, curling up into a little ball beside his head. Rin lifted his hand up to run his fingers through Ai's fur.

Ah yes.

Maybe this was it, what he'd been missing.

For months and months there was a coldness. Even when the weather was beautiful and the sun was shining, that coldness still lingered. Rin tried to ignore it, throwing himself into his school work and into the arms of the occasional one night lover. Inside there was still that emptiness. Years ago he found himself, his soul felt free.

But what does one do with that freedom?

Where does one go from there?

Tucked away in the depths of his desk was his dream, as untouched as a distant memory. Life had a habit of always blocking him at the worst possible moments. At least now he had the excuse of school. Though as time wore on, he wondered if it was becoming more of a crutch.

Lost.

He was lost.

A castaway adrift on an endless sea with no winds to guide him home.

Ai's tail brushed Rin's cheek and his mind snapped back to the moment-- to the darkness of his room. The purring hadn't stopped and for the first time Rin really heard it. A sound that poured out like the music of innocent love, full of sincerity and blind trust.

Rin closed his eyes and turned his head, burying his lips in Ai's soft fur. Ai trilled with sleepy effort at the touch. Past the smell of soap was the subtle smell of the little cat himself. A delicate smell that only brought a gentle comfort. Rin breathed it in. It was amazing how something so small could affect him so much.

Ai purred, strong and steady, lulling Rin to sleep with his little song.

 

\----------

 

The sun had barely stretched its light into the sky when Rin felt the gentle scrap of Ai's tongue on his ear. Tiny and light, it still tickled. Rin's kept his eyes shut, grunting and turning his head so that his ear was safe against the pillow. It was hardly a defense as Ai licked Rin's face instead.

“Ugh, it's too early.” Rin groaned.

“Myao, rrraomao,” Ai trilled and his little tongue was gone from Rin's face.

There was a shift of sheets and it felt like there was a sudden weight on the bed.

Still heavy with grogginess, Rin opened his eyes just a crack. The room was filled with the dull blue light of dawn. Shadows did strange things.

Very strange things.

There was something person shaped there, beside him, warm and breathing. In the blur of sleep, the details came in slow. But it seemed like it was smiling.

What an odd dream.

Rin reached out as if he could wave the dream person away like a cloud of unwanted smoke.

But then his hand touched soft flesh.

“The fu--,” Rin huffed as he jolted to a sit, blinking his eyes wildly.

No one was there.

Only Ai, who squeaked a meow up at him, his little bell jingling as he tried to climb up Rin's chest. As if by instinct, Rin laid his hand down on Ai's back. It must have been the stress or something. That weird state between consciousness and sleep that liked to play all sorts of tricks.

“Myaaaaaaaaaao,” Ai swayed from the force of his own meow.

“Ah, alright, alright.” Rin stroked down Ai's back. “Breakfast time, right. I got it. Fuck.”

Rin rolled out of bed, quite literally, almost falling over from the tangle of his sheets. His legs weren't ready to start the day and he wobbled as he made his way over to Ai's food bowl. Ai leaped off the bed and landed with a jingle, bounding after Rin.

Ai practically danced in his food to eat it. His front paws sank into the wet food, but the hungry kitten didn't seem to mind one bit. Rin pet him as he ate, staring at nothing in particular. Who was that, Rin wondered. It wasn't a face he'd ever seen before. Even dreams needed something to base themselves on. But that face was something entirely new.

And beautiful.

As shocking as it was, it left Rin with something. What, he wasn't sure.

But maybe today he'd actually get some personal work done.

It wouldn't hurt to try.

 

 ----------

 

Motivation drove him to a half empty journal on his desk, but it wasn't enough to pull anything from his pen. Rin stared at the blank pages for a long while. The routine prior was just as it always was; hair going from ponytail to messy bun, a hot cup of green tea, a cinnamon scented candle, glasses.

Writing time was the only time his glasses were allowed to grace his face. It was his little secret, kept hidden away in a small wooden box. The box was one of the few things he took home with him from overseas. Even though words lost their crisp edges in the outside world, he still always left his glasses at home.

Only when he was at his desk, trying to finish papers for school or summon creative energy for his own work, did he wear them.

They were small, trim, sharp, and made him look a little like his mother.

He felt like another person when he wore them and wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. The pen in his hand sat motionless, the tip pressed against the paper. Ink stretched out from from the tip and Rin watched the way it stained the tiny threads, eating through the white of the paper like something hungry for life. Each drop of ink that flowed into the thoughtless puddle was a word that would never come to be.

Rin sighed, long and slow.

Words did come, but not the ones he wanted. With a loose effort in his wrist, he scribbled something down.

It had been a while since the sound of Ai's little bell filled the apartment with the little kitten's excited scampering about. Rin blew out his candle. That was the best part, when the scent of the candle mixed with the burn of a darker smoke.

“Hey,” Rin put his hands on his hips when he found Ai. “What did I tell you?”

Ai only purred in response, curled up in his food bowl. Nothing but a little silver ball of fluff.

“That's not bed either. Bowl is for eats, not sleeps.” It was hard to stop the ring of a soft laugh in his voice as he scooped Ai up. Ai yawned and stretched out his toes. “Toes,” Rin murmured as he squeezed Ai's little paw. Kitten toes were indeed a force to be reckoned with.

Tiny teeth came down with a tired, yet still playful, nip on the offending hand.

“Ah, hey. No bites, that's rude.” Rin snorted though his voice stayed gentle.

As if apologizing,Ai licked Rin's hand with a, “Prrao.”

Rin set Ai back down on the floor. As soon as his little paws touched the ground, Ai rolled over onto his back, squirming and jingling.

“Oh no.” Rin grunted as he stared down at him. “Don't do that.”

“Myaaaao,” Ai stretched out his hind legs, his long tail swishing back and forth.

There was no resisting. Rin crouched down, running a few fingers over Ai's stomach. “Look at this belly. Just look at it.”

Loud purring rumbled through Ai's little body as Rin's hands stroked through his fur.

There was nothing quite like that fur. Over the years Rin had petted a lot of cats. Each one's was different, but not like Ai's. Many coats felt similar, of course, but this one was almost unnatural in its soft nature. If dreams could be touched, he imagined this was what they would feel like, gentle and warm and soothing.

But then the feel of fur on his fingertips vanished.

It was replaced by something else.

Something still soft, yet smooth.

Rin glanced down, blinking out of his daze.

A person was there.

Not just any person, but the one he saw before. A smooth face of gentle youth with hints of the sharpening of age around the edges. It was a face of a young adult making their way through the gauntlet of their teenage years, but his skin was left unmarred except for a tiny mole under his eye.

_Ears._

Big silver ears poked out from the boy's hair. They weren't the sort any human should have, being furry and pointed like that. In fact, they looked exactly like cat ears. Rin found it hard to look away from them except when a long silvery tail swayed beneath the person and Rin looked down.

A boy.

Definitely a boy, despite the feminine touch to his face.

A naked one.

The boy smiled, his eyes narrowing into soft squints. At his neck, if not a bit tight, was a black collar with a tiny bell.

Rin lifted his hand away. Not once did he dare breathe as he stood with a stunned rigidness in his step.

Once he was up, Rin turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

A few seconds passed and Rin opened it back up to peek inside. The boy greeted him with a smile, still on the floor, swaying his tail.

Rin closed the door again and went to pace the living room.

Who in the mighty fuck was that. What _was_ that.

From behind the door came a tiny meow. It was Ai's.

No. It couldn't be.

It just couldn't. It wasn't _allowed_ to be that.

Rin breathed out a long and somewhat painful sigh. Back and forth he paced, one hand rising up to grip his hair, which was already falling from the bun. It wasn't hard to put the two and two together. Ai disappeared when that boy showed up and---.

A pain hit Rin's chest. No. It couldn't be.

Ai was just a tiny little kitten, helpless and full of love.

He couldn't be that thing. He couldn't.

No.

Sucking in a breath, Rin approached the door again. A gentle scratching came with the meows. They sounded scared and desperate. Rin's hand hovered over the handle.

He'd heard the stories long ago in his childhood. Tales of cat demons that would kill, even sometimes eat, humans. Then they would disguise themselves as their victims so their loved ones wouldn't know the truth until it was too late. Never did Rin think spirits would be real, certainly not _that_ sort.

In most of the stories they were so evil and cruel.

Not Ai.

He couldn't be that.

It had to be a dream, the stress was probably just getting to him.

Ai couldn't be a bakeneko.

They weren't real.

This wasn't real.

Rin opened the door and looked down.

“Praoo---mya?” Ai, looking as normal as a kitten should, craned his neck upwards to look at Rin's face.

“So.” Rin's voice went so frigid that Ai shrank down a bit, his ears lowering. “What are you waiting for?”

“Myao—ya,” Ai let out a weak sound.

“I know you can speak.” Rin crouched and Ai flinched as Rin towered over his little body. “So tell me.”

“P-please don't be mad,” squeaked a little voice from Ai. Words came despite his mouth not moving. “I-- I just. I. Wanted to---.”

Though they were words, the voice that came from Ai was exactly like his little cries when Rin found him starving and helpless.

“You could have done it last night. That would have been perfect. You were right by my neck. It'd have only taken a second.” Rin could feel his expression going deadpan and very cold. He used to haunt the world with that same look.

Ai's ears pressed flat back against his skull as he looked down at the floor, trembling. “It's not, it's not like tha-- ah, um.”

“Or would that not be satisfying enough? I know cats. I know how much they love to toy with their prey.” Rin reached out and grabbed Ai by the scruff of his neck. Despite the anger that simmered inside, his hold was far from rough.

As soon as Rin lifted him up, Ai's legs and tail curled towards his belly.

“What's stopping you from killing me?”

“I don't want to. I don't want to hurt you, not ever. No.”Ai whimpered, his little voice tinged with what could have been sobs. “You were there. You came. You came for me. No one else did. You did, just you. You made me safe. You---,” he hiccuped, “made me Ai.”

In his chest, Rin's heart pounded. It ached. The tiny pleads coming from such a frightened face hit him harder than he expected them to.

“You're a demon,” there wasn't an ounce of emotion in his tone.

“I can be good, very good. A very good boy. Please.” Between his words were little whimpers like the soft helpless meows of a newborn kitten. “Don't throw me away. Don't. Please. Let Ai stay. Please. Keep Ai. Please, papa.”

Carefully, Rin set Ai down on the floor and lifted both his hands to his face, covering it as he slipped his fingers under his glasses. He groaned. Even if Ai was some demon set on doing horrible things, it was so hard to resist him. What a perfect form for any demon to take, that of a tiny kitten.

“Okay.” Rin's voice was weak, raspy. “You can stay.”

If it was his death he invited into his home, so be it. At least this little flame of fate was warm. Lost in the cold dark of his own life, anything's light was welcome. Even if that light beckoned him to his end.

“Ah. Myaaaa! Mya—ya!” Ai squeaked before Rin felt slender arms wrap around him.

“Stop--- You're naked.” Rin grunted and pushed against the boy's chest. It was a gentle push, had it been anyone else he would have shoved.

“Ahh! Thank you! So happy! So happy with papa, ah!” Ai clung, trying to keep the hug going for as long as he could, the tips of his clawed fingers digging into Rin's shirt. “Ai will be the best, best boy for papa!”

“Come on. Don't do that.” Rin unhooked him from his clothes. “Not like that. Be a cat again.”

Once detached, Ai purred loud and strong, his tail whipping about like an excited dog. Rin sighed, it still felt like a dream. He wasn't sure where to begin with it all. Seeing Ai mostly human arose very conflicting feelings. Odd ones he would rather not have dealt with.

Rin never cared for humans as much as he did for cats.

Cats were easy to love. They were easy to be around. Even around his own friends and family Rin still kept bits of himself well guarded. But with cats, he never had to worry, only love. Here was someone who was neither yet both at the same time. Someone who danced the lines or maybe just burned them.

Rin reached out to touch Ai's hair. Nothing but curiosity moved his hand and he was hardly surprised to find it just as soft as his fur.

Ai purred.

A beautiful sound, one that made the room seem warm.


	2. Chapter 2

Fire.

Fire everywhere, consuming like a wave of promised agony. Hot and boiling, it set the night sky aglow. The indifferent eyes of heaven, glittering from the comfort of their dark kingdom, watched as the earth trembled. Silence hung like a heavy fog, stealing the screams of the dying.

Sharp ground bit into Rin's bare feet; blood splattered with each step.

Running.

He was running. The pain of it, of the smoke, clawed at his lungs--- his heart.

Thunder; Thunder rumbled and groaned in the distance. Thunder with no light to guide it.

No.

The word beat in his mind like his heart rattled and raged in his chest. No. It became him, living and breathing. No. The plea dripped with desperate anguish.

A building collapsed with a soundless crash.

There--- on the ground--- with the death-stained rocks, something red writhed like a serpent, blind and frightened.

Blood.

It was blood.

Rin followed it with his eyes. Time seemed to forget its own existence. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but nothing came but a stunned stare. It wasn't just any blood, no.

It was his.

Flowing from his hands, coating his fingers, it cascaded down, unbroken--- unending. The farther Rin squinted in the darkness, the wider the blood grew, like the birth of a river. It moved with a purpose towards the thunder.

Towards a strike of white and flame.

Then, there was nothing.

Rin jolted up with a wheezing gasp.

Nothing but the darkness of his bedroom.

Each breath burned as they tore into his lungs. His whole body trembled in a way it hadn't since he was small. A hot soreness stung his eyes and Rin lifted his hands to rub them, only to find them wet.

Crying in his sleep, something he thought he was done with.

As he sat there, trying to catch his breath, Rin peered around at the quiet of his room. Peace was all he found. Outside, birds welcomed the dying edge of night with their soft songs. Rin groaned and glanced over at his alarm--- four o'clock.

In a tiny ball atop his pillow, Ai lay with soundless breaths, his tail wrapped over his little nose. Sweat slicked Rin's chest, sticking his sleeveless undershirt to his body. He had to fight with his own wobbly legs to get up out of bed. Once he was up and steady, he glanced at Ai before brushing gentle fingertips over him.

Ai purred at the touch.

Nightmares were nothing new yet still they shook him in ways that made him feel weak. The troubles of the world were nothing to those in his mind-- they knew exactly how to hurt him. Rin retreated to the shower, taking comfort in the way the hot water slid over him, as if it could sear the nightmares away. Stress usually brought them on, but never like that.

It was almost like it was something new. Years ago, it was the sea that haunted his dreams. Horrors of water-- the very thing that robbed and gifted him-- the undertow that dragged him down to dark places. It was as push and pull as the crash of the waves themselves.

But that was in the past and those ghosts had been long since laid to rest.

Fire was different-- the opposite in fact. Where water tried to drown him, fire consumed.

Turning off the water, he grabbed a towel and dried himself off before tussling his hair with it. Even in the dream he didn't seem afraid of the flames, no matter the extent of its fury. Rather it was the thunder that gripped his heart with a pounding fear. Or perhaps it was the trail of blood, leading him into the darkness.

Either way, even awake, a heavy dread settled over him like a skin that refused to shed.

The blood went somewhere terrifying, he could tell that much.

By the time Rin stepped back into his bedroom with a towel around his waist, daylight had stretched through the blinds and filled the room. The pillow was bare and Rin glanced about before he noticed a lump under the covers move.

A smile, small, lit Rin's face as he scritched at the far corner of the bed. The little lump wiggled and tunneled towards Rin's hand, which he lifted away once it got too close.

“You lost in there?” Rin pet the lump and Ai trilled, trying to bat at his hand through the sheets. “You know,” Rin ran his fingers along the bed and Ai chased after them again, “you can't have an early breakfast if you're under there.”

The lump grew large and tumbled onto the floor in a tangle of sheets and limbs. “Ahhhyeee!” Ai's mouth gaped with a wide grin as he peeked out from under the sheets. “Really, papa, really!?”

“Oi,” Rin rubbed at his temple as he turned to grab a pair of loose pajama pants from his dresser, “Don't call me that, please. Don't.”

Ai's ears lowered as he sat with the blankets draped over his shoulders. “Oh, ah, sorry, pahhhh—eeeeuhm ah,” he stretched his arms with a forced yawn, trying to play off his mistake.

Typical cat.

“I've told you, please, call me Rin.” He watched as Ai settled back down, unable to help the hints of caution that lingered in his eyes whenever the boy changed shape. “Papa is, eh,” Rin slipped his pants on, “weird. It's just too weird.”

“Sorry, sorry, Ai will be good, yes.”

 

 ----------

 

It was odd.

Rin sipped his tea as he watched Ai stuff handfuls of wet cat food into his mouth. The deal was that if Ai insisted on not taking his cat form, he would at least cover himself. Rin's blanket served well enough, despite the little bits of food that fell down onto it. It was about time for a wash anyway.

What really made it awkward was the fact had Ai brought his bowl to sit at the table with Rin. Cat demon or not, he still looked human--- mostly. A tinge of what could have been guilt hung on Rin's consciousness. People weren't served cat food from a pet bowl.

“Why do you do that?” Rin leaned on his hand, tendrils of still damp hair spilled down his bare back, a few touching the table.

“Mm?” Ai blinked, his hand and mouth messy with food. “Do what?”

“Be like this--- not a cat. Is there something wrong with it?”

“Ha,” Ai grinned, exposing little canines. “No. Nothing wrong. It's fun. It is. Just,” Ai lifted his bowl, licking what little flavor remained on the already spotless bowl, “I wanna be human.”

Rin didn't respond right away. Instead he watched as Ai sucked his claws clean. A twitch of Ai's ears caught Rin's attention before his gaze moved down to watch how his tail swayed like a feather dancing on the breeze. Take away his more obvious demonic features and still Ai would have trouble passing as human. Even his eyes were catlike-- except that his pupils were not as slitted.

“And what's so great about being human?” The question was honest. Human life was complicated and at times very cruel. Cats were easy. They simply took life as it came with no fret of the past or future.

Not to mention that Ai was not a cat, but a demon. Rin could only guess at what all that entailed. The life of a demon couldn't possibly be even half as difficult as the average human's. Rin wondered if they could even suffer the same pain.

A smile, bright and wide spread across Ai's face as a low purr rumbled in his chest. “Because it's what Rin is.”

Lifting his head from his hand, Rin quirked a brow. “That's it then?”

“That's it.” Ai nodded before hopping off the chair. He landed-- much smaller and much furrier-- with a gentle jingle.

 

 ----------

 

“B-but,” Ai's ears drooped as he tugged on Rin's coat, “you can't! Please. Please don't.”

Rin looked down at the way Ai's eyes glistened with his pupils wide and round. Something about the way he could see himself in them made him feel odd. Already his mind was a bit disorganized and shaken from his earlier nightmare. It had to be that-- the nightmare-- that made him feel stale lingerings of despair.

Despair he wasn't even sure was his.

Earlier he offered Ai an old shirt to wear, and it hung off one shoulder in a way that made Rin's lips pull into a ghost of a frown. Not unlike his cat form, Ai was still a bit on the awkward side with his body. So slender and scrawny, not unlike Rin when he was that age. Of course, Rin had been far more built by that point, yet even muscle clung to young frames in odd ways.

“I've got to go to class.” Rin blinked. “It's just one today, I won't even be gone that long.”

Ai started to bounce in place and Rin was very thankful for the old swimsuit he'd let him use to keep himself decent. “Ah. Ah! Please. Let me come with you! Please? Please!” The little silver bell at his neck jingled with each movement.

“What?” Rin put his hand to his hair.

Thoughts of everything that could have gone wrong washed over his mind. Bringing an animal to school would have been bad enough, but some teenage kid with ears and a tail? Even if by some miracle no one was suspicious of demon magic at work, they'd turn on Rin and question his morals. Only the most unsavory of individuals had boys like Ai running around calling them papa and what not.

Rin shuddered.

“Hm?” Ai tilted his head and paused to sniff at Rin before smiling with a nod. “Come to school! Please! Don't leave Ai alone-- please.”

“Are you serious?” Rin's tone arrived sharper than he intended and when Ai's ears lowered, guilt returned to swirl in his gut. “I can't take you to school. Cat, demon, whatever. Even if you were normal, I couldn't do that.”

Ai's ears pressed flat back against his head. The guilt bit harder when Rin saw tears form at the corner of Ai's eyes.

“B-but.” Ai huffed a ragged breath, gripping Rin's coat tighter. He glanced away, just for a moment, then looked back as if he wouldn't allow himself not to. “Ai will be good. For. Good for--- Rin. For you. I promise. Ai promises.” Tears ran down his cheeks as he failed to keep them in. “Please.”

“Come on.” Rin's voice strained, but was much softer at the edges than before. “Don't do this, please. Come on. I know you're still young--- sorta. But I can't be with you all the time. I have things to do. Um,” Rin's fingers twitched with heavy hesitation, unsure yet completely sure of where they wanted to go.

“I. I.” Ai licked his lips and forced a little smile. “Oh, ah!” The smile grew to be genuine as he hopped in front of Rin where he struggled to work his coat's zipper and buttons undone. “H-here! Here. Just like before. Yes. Like before!” Ai's bell jingled as he nearly vibrated with a growing joy-- blind and full of a tragic hope. “Inside this here.”

Rin could feel his will weaken as he watched Ai's clumsy fingers. “Even if I did do that,” he took a gentle hold of Ai's wrist and Ai looked up, blinking through still fresh tears, “you have to learn that we can't always be together. That's how it is for everyone, you know.”

The sound of Ai's steady breathing went silent as if Rin had stolen it away. Ai's eyes widened, glistening with a despair so vivid Rin could feel it in his bones.

He might as well have stomped out Ai's heart, ground it down to dust and ash.

And Rin couldn't quite figure out _why_.

Ai's fingers, which had been spread and still reaching for the zipper, curled back towards his hand. More tears fell, thick and streaming as his mouth held slightly open in a silent agony.

Rin shifted a bit, unsure of what he said that was so wrong.

“W-why?” Ai whispered soft and low, the edges tinged with what could become wild sobs.

“Because.” Rin squinted, seeing something familiar there in Ai's face. Something he tried to tuck away in the darkest, most unvisited parts of his mind. “That's just-- how it is.”

“Please don't leave me.” Ai buried his face into Rin's coat, his arms wrapping around him with a shivering tightness. “Please,” his voice was muffled against the fabric and tears, “I don't want to be alone anymore.”

 _Oh_.

Realization hit Rin so hard he could feel his balance sway.

Rin's hand settled down on Ai's back. When Ai started to sob and whimper, Rin-- with some hesitation-- stroked him. It was a stiff movement, as if something foreign and strange for him.

“You can't go turning into a, uh--,” Rin breathed out a soft sigh, “Don't stop being a cat, okay? No matter what. That's the rule, okay?”

“A-ah?” Ai pulled back enough to look up at Rin, eyes sparkling.

Tears made his eyes even more beautiful and the thought made a frown tug at Rin's lips.

“It's important, okay? No, um, _this_ , in front of anyone else. Just stay a cat. I mean it, okay?”

“Th-thank you!” Ai released his grip and stepped back before jumping at Rin.

With a jingle and a musical trill, Ai was a kitten again and Rin struggled to catch the little flying furball. As soon as Ai was in his hands, he nuzzled against Rin's chest with a loud purr.

“Oi.”

 

 ----------

 

Not fifteen minutes passed before Rin had to excuse himself out of the classroom.

Ai had kept his word and stayed a cat, but failed to stay _in_ Rin's coat during the lecture.

Rin was silent the whole way home.

Back in the safety of the apartment, Rin opened his coat up, still keeping his silence. Ai peeked over the edge of the pocket, ears back and eyes wide. Fear radiated from his little body. Rin reached in to scoop him out and Ai retreated to the bottom, curled up in a shaking ball.

The expression on Rin's face was deadpan and unreadable, something he had mastered years ago.

Ai's bell jingled as Rin lifted him up to his face and Ai opened his tiny mouth to try to say something. Nothing came, any hopes of pleading were erased when Rin placed his lips atop Ai's head. A soft sigh escaped from Rin's nose and into Ai's fur. Tiny ears perked up and his tail swayed with a delicate caution.

“Thank you,” Rin spoke with his lips against soft fur, “for keeping your promise.”

Ai didn't question it, nor did he hesitate to rub up against Rin's chin.

He was a good boy, after all.

 

 ----------

 

Night fell and Rin lay stretched out on his side on the living floor, having long since shed his day clothes for the comfort of pajama pants and a sleeveless black undershirt. Ai dashed from behind the couch, pouncing on a little feathery bell Rin dangled from a cat wand. As soon as he got close, Rin lifted it up and Ai stood on tiny paws, batting at it in the air.

A smile, soft and somewhat tired, spread over Rin's lips as he bounced the toy up and Ai jumped for it with determined little spins.

There was a knock at the door.

Ai fell back down to his paws, freezing in place.

“Mm? Here already?” Rin sat up with a stretch, glancing over at the clock. “Bet Rei's to thank for that,” he shook his head with an inward laugh. His friends were always so predictable.

Another set of knocks-- this time vigorous and set to a strumming beat.

“Hey,” Rin turned to look at Ai.

Ai lifted his head, ears swiveling, searching for an answer in Rin's face with bubbling confusion.

“Behave tonight, okay? Remember your promise?”

The reply was something of a nod, the best a kitten could do.

“Rin-chan! Rinnnn-channn!” Nagisa's muffled voice called over the knocking. “Rin-chan, it's cold, open up.”

“I'm coming, hold on,” Rin shouted back.

Crisp night air flowed in, followed by Nagisa, who ducked past Rin, slipping off his shoes and nearly tripping. “Where is he, Rin-chan? Where!”

“Ah! Nagisa! Really?” Rei grunted as he tried to balance not two, but three cases of beer. The last one had been dumped into his arms in Nagisa's excitement.

Rin smiled as he took the cases from Rei. “Slacking on your workouts, eh? These should be easy for you.”

“I lost my balance, is all.” Rei pushed up his glasses as he stepped inside.

“Yeah, yeah. Great seeing you again,” Rin bumped his shoulder into Rei's, who tried to look offended through his subdued smile.

“Good evening, Rin.” Makoto's voice arrived before he did, stepping in after Rei and pulling Rin into a long overdue hug. His hand came down strong as he pat Rin's back. Makoto's coat smelled like him, clean and comfortable-- like a visit home. “You're looking good tonight, better than last time.”

Rin couldn't hug him back with his arms full, so he lifted a beer case and touched Makoto's side with it. Their mutual affection was there, but they both knew neither had to prove it. Makoto was the sort of guy who said _I love you_ with his smile. Words were unnecessary.

And Rin was glad for it. He could write a beautiful essay, a brilliant poem, but when it came to telling his friends or family face to face how he felt about them, words abandoned him-- they left him for dead.

“Yeah well, nowhere near finals this time. Actually getting some slee--,” Rin's thought died in his throat when Haru walked in from behind Makoto, “You stopped him from bringing it, right? Please say yes, Makoto. Lie to me if you have to.”

“Well,” Makoto let Rin go and closed the door.

“Hey Rin.” Haru gave Rin a friendly nod before thrusting a bottle against his chest. “Here.”

“The fuck is this?” Rin looked down. It looked like some sort of drink mix.

“It's the compromise,” Makoto chuckled as he removed his shoes, taking the cases of beer from Rin with ease.

Rin let him slip them out of his grasp and grabbed the offered bottle, perking a brow. “Piña colada?”

“I don't like beer.” Haru shrugged before dropping off his shoes with the others.

“So you want me to make this?” Rin groaned. “I'd have to get the blender out and everything. You're serious?”

“I'm the guest.”

“You're a shit is what you are.”

Haru smiled.

So did Rin.

“Rin-chan,” Nagisa was on his hands and knees in the living room, face against the floor as he peeked under the couch, “your kitten won't come out.”

Ai sat with his tail wrapped around himself just out of Nagisa's reach. He was pressed against the wall and watched his would-be assailant with casual eyes.

“I'd have run from you too if I were him,” Rei murmured as he watched Nagisa from the dining area.

“Don't you remember?” Nagisa turned to look at him, his eyes going half lidded with a coy smile. “You did.”

“That's a _completely_ different sort of thing.” Rei huffed with a hint of color touching his cheeks.

“Is it, Rei-chan?” Nagisa wiggled his butt, which was still in the air.

“It is.” Rei folded his arms. “I don't think he's coming out either way. Why don't you come sit?”

A wide grin lit Nagisa's face. “Why don't you grab some toys and help me lure him out.”

Haru made himself comfortable at the table while Makoto put two cases away in the fridge before opening the third. He lined the cans up on the table in neat little rows, like little soldiers ready for whatever the night would bring. Rin dug through his cabinets before he found his blender and set it up.

“So this is the price to keep him from bringing fish, eh?” Rin glanced over at Makoto as he measured out the ingredients.

Makoto pulled a few things out of the fridge to prepare light snacks. There was no need for him to ask permission, Makoto might as well have been blood family-- his brother. In a way, he was.

“It wasn't an easy trade off.”

“Cats like mackerel.” Haru leaned over to get a look at them. “It's good for them.”

“Yeah, well maybe mine actually has good tastes. Ever think of that, eh, Haru?”

“If it doesn't like mackerel, that's impossible.” Haru turned his head away.

“Oi. Cheeky bastard.” Rin snorted as he turned the blender on.

Makoto just shook his head and laughed.

A little while later they all gathered at the table. Nagisa had given up his quest to play with Ai in favor of beer and food. Rei was relieved for the distraction and hoped it would hold.

It was nice to have them all there. Time had a way of flowing in and out of count. Rin could barely remember how long it had been since he'd seen them all together like that. Occasionally one or two would visit on their own, but rarely did their schedules ever line up to bring them all in one place.

Rin cherished every moment of it. He was well aware of how mortality circled everyone's lives like a patient predator, ready to strike and tear a family apart.

But he thought nothing of loss, only the joy of being with his friends-- their heartbeats all there and real, pushing them through the night. To where, Rin hardly cared, he was in the moment.

Every now and then Rin glanced away from the laughter of his friends to look over at the couch. Ai hadn't moved from his hiding spot. Each time Rin considered checking up at him, he got sucked right back into the conversation.

They talked, they joked, they laughed, they caught up on each others' lives. After high school they took their own directions, it was warm and comfortable to have their paths cross again.

When it was time for their goodbyes, Rei and Nagisa were the first out the door. Never one to hold back, Nagisa had drank far more than he should and Rei was left with the responsibility of getting him back home. At some point Haru had drifted into a shallow sleep and was not pleased to be woken up. After a bit of coaxing from Makoto, he made his way to the door with groggy steps.

Only Makoto hung back to give Rin a proper goodbye.

He stood with an arm supporting Haru, who he leaned against Makoto like a sleepy child.

“You really do look good tonight,” Makoto smiled with gentle eyes.

“Dunno what you're going on about, I always look good,” Rin shrugged, unable to keep his face straight as a grin broke at his lips.

Makoto laughed. “I mean it. You've got more of a happy glow about you. It's nice.”

“Oi, don't get soft on me, Makoto.” Rin shuffled his feet a bit before glancing behind him at the sound of a bell.“It's embarrassing for both of us.”

Ai crept out from under the couch with great caution, peeking over at them.

Makoto eyes darted over at Ai before looking back down at Rin. “He's a special cat-- I can tell.”

“Mm?” Rin turned back to Makoto, trying to read past his warm smile. “Yeah. I guess so. He can be sort of a pain at times but I--,” a sudden awkwardness hit him, “He means a lot to me, I guess. Yeah.” Rin rubbed the back of his head.

“You should take good care of him.”

“Tch, I do. This isn't becoming some sort of lecture is it?” Despite the sharp edges of his tone, his appreciation shone through. It always felt good when someone cared-- especially someone important. “Had too many for one of those, nn.” He wasn't drunk, but definitely not sober.

“No, no.” Makoto put his hand on the door knob, trying to keep Haru balanced. “But take good care of him and he'll take good care of you.” He winked as he turned to leave, helping Haru out into the cold night. “Goodnight, Rin. Always good to see you.”

“U-uh. Goodnight, Makoto.” Rin stood there blinking even after Makoto had gone.

Alcohol demanded sleep and Rin was in no position to protest. Clean up would have to wait until the morning. Rin dragged himself to the bedroom. Ai trilled at him, prancing behind him with jingling steps. Rin let himself flop onto the bed face first before he rolled over to see Ai standing in the doorway in his human form.

He looked uncertain with the way he huddled towards the door frame.

The clothes Rin had given him earlier were still there, making him look even smaller. Weird, Rin thought, must had been some sort of demon magic that kept them on him despite the shape changing. At least he wasn't naked.

“What are you doing?” Rin tucked his arm under his pillow, his words practically a yawn.

“When they were here. You. You looked so happy.” Ai's mouth smiled but his eyes did not.

“Of course,” Rin set his hair free from his ponytail and his hair spilled down over his shoulders, “they're my friends. Practically family, really.”

Ai licked his lips and looked down, then away. “You don't. When you--- look at me. When you, look at Ai--- you don't look that happy. Don't smile that big.”

Something like the sensation of stumbling shook through Rin and he paused with his face blank and staring. Then, he smiled, his voice consciously softer, “What are you talking about? You're fucking adorable as hell when you're no--.”

“Not like this.”

Rin's lips turned a frown so fast it left his face a little sore.

“Hey,” he tried to grab for words that weren't there. None came.

Shrinking back, Ai clung tighter to the door frame.

“Ai.”

At the sound of his name, Ai's ears perked up and his collar jingled.

Rin laid his head back and lifted his arm, beckoning Ai over. “C'mere.”

The only sound in the room was the soft bounce of his bell as Ai crept towards Rin. He stood at the edge of the bed, his hands unsure of what to do so they held each other as if they needed the support. Even Ai's ears were back and in the darkness he almost appeared human.

“I meant c'mere c'mere,” Rin wrapped his arm around Ai's middle and pulled him onto the bed beside him.

Ai squeaked as he caught himself to keep from landing face first on Rin's chest.

Rin pulled him down next to him, his arm sliding beneath Ai's shoulders. He placed his hand gently on Ai's side and felt a tension in him. Ai wiggled against Rin's arm as if trying to avoid Rin's chest, as if he wasn't allowed to cuddle him the way he loved to as a cat.

Still, a soft purr rumbled in Ai's chest like a tender whisper.

“U-um,” Ai's tail brushed against Rin's leg, darting about with a nervous sway.

“Hm?”

“Why, um. When--- earlier. At the school.” Ai licked his lips several times and Rin found himself staring at the way they quivered. “You didn't get mad at me. Ai wasn't-- wasn't a very good boy. S-sorry.”

“Fff.” Rin put his other hand to his face with a soft, alcohol-aided chuckle. The arm around Ai gave him a friendly shake, almost a hug. “That? Ah. Because it was funny.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah. When you popped your head out the top of my coat like that--- fucking precious.” Rin's grin was wide, all teeth. He reached down with his free arm to work the covers over them. “All because you wanted to hear him. So you could learn. Shit--- that's some adorable stuff. Even if I did stuff you back down-- you think I'd be able to sit through class after that little stunt?”

A little smile warmed Ai's face and he wiggled closer. “Um, p--- ah--- Rin.”

“Mm?” The demands of sleep were becoming harder to fight now with the comforting embrace of his covers.

“Why is, um, when Ai is people---.” His tail whipped at their legs in soft, gentle blows. “Why do you not like me as much?”

“You make me sound so cold.” Rin had a hint of a smirk regardless. Up went Rin's other hand, behind his head, fingers in his long hair. “It's not that I don't like you.”

Ai squirmed up towards Rin's hair, a cautious hand with asking eyes reaching out for it. Rin gave his answer with a sleepy shrug and Ai nuzzled into his hair like he needed it. Like he'd been missing it his whole little life.

“Then what?”

The blind, sincere innocence in Ai's tone was enough to leave a wound in Rin's chest.

Rin sighed as if he could exhale the troubles of his life away. “Cats are easy to love, people are just--- well, people. I dunno. You can rely on a cat better than a person, I guess. You can trust them.”

“Your friends are people,” Ai muttered, looking down.

Rin's hair stuck to Ai's face and Rin found himself wanting to brush it away. He didn't move.

“Yeah, but they mean a lot to me. I love those guys.”

Wait.

_Shit._

Ai winced and shrank away again, practically disappearing into the depths of the sheets.

“I--,” Ai took a deep breath as if he had to build up the strength to speak. “I'm the same no matter what I look like. On the inside--- I'm me. Always me.”

There was something different about the way Ai spoke. It felt familiar yet strange at the same time. Rin would have questioned it had he not felt like the world's stupidest asshole.

“Hey. Fuck. I didn't mean it like that. I just--- Fuck.”

Ai didn't respond, or move. He barely seemed to breathe.

Words were useless, so Rin did the only thing he could think of. He pulled Ai up into a hug-- chest to chest. The hell with how questionable it looked for a grown man to hold a kid like that-- some things were more important than appearance. Ai made a confused peep when he found himself lying on top of Rin with Rin's arms gentle and strong around him.

“Look.” Rin tilted his head to meet Ai's eyes. “You listening? I might be a little drunk but listen, okay?”

Ai nodded, the tips of his clawed fingers digging into Rin's shirt.

“You're--,” It wasn't easy to say to anyone-- face to face nonetheless. “You're important to me. And--- fuck, I'm sorry if I ever make you feel like you're not.”

A silent smile brightened Ai's face and his purring grew in intensity. There was an extra glistening in his eyes. Rin could see it in the dim light.

“I don't mean to. Everything's so weird and--- I don't even know. But.” Rin fought every urge to look away, keeping his eyes fixed on Ai's. “Hell, I feel like I should be thanking _you_ here. But, ah. I'm glad you're in my life now, really I am. Happy even.”

Rin pet along Ai's back in gentle strokes. “I'd really miss you if you were gone.”

Silence followed and Rin felt like he might as well have been stranded on thin ice-- unsure of when it would crack and the darkness take him.

But then Ai's arms shot up to Rin's shoulders as he softly butt his head up against Rin's chin. He didn't speak, only purred through fluttering breaths. Drops of wet hit Rin's chest and he then knew why. The first instinct was to tell him to stop, to calm down, not to cry, but he said nothing. Instead he kept petting along his back.

Ai purred on, strong and steady like far off thunder.

Rin didn't stop the gentle strokes until long after he was certain Ai had fallen asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the fic turns explicit, but it's not due to anything that happens between Rin and Ai.

Frost replaced the fire in Rin's dreams.

Snowflakes twirled where ashes once fell. Even as the snow piled like rolling waves frozen in time, it didn't bite. Warmth lived where cold should have been, like the world was his breathing blanket. It was comfortable, like a long missed embrace.

There were koi, great big ones that dripped black ink. Trees, built like gentle brushstrokes, sprouted from ink drop seeds. There the koi swam in forests of their own creation. Monsters that filled the sky yet left no fear in their wake, only a dull ache. The sort of ache not unlike the empty space loved ones left behind.

Rin was numb to it.

Adjusting to daily life with Ai went smoother than Rin expected.

Despite the rough start with Ai and school, Rin still took him every day. At first, he'd curl up as a cat inside his backpack, but as time went on, and Ai's little body grew, he wanted more. Ai wanted to walk beside Rin with equal steps set to an equal pace.

Winter was his blessing and though Rin's clothes sagged on Ai's slender body, they worked well enough to hide his tail. An oversized woolen hat hid his ears. Joy painted Ai's grinning cheeks red when Rin tugged the hat over his head for the first time.

A scarf hid Rin's own smile.

The excuse that Rin was tutoring Ai was enough to get him into class. No one questioned them beyond that. To pass the time, Ai scribbled little drawings or copied writing from an unused textbook, having no idea what each character meant.

With each passing week, Ai fit Rin's clothes a little better. Even his collar grew more snug, but Ai just adjusted it and refused not to wear it. Rin thought nothing of it at first. Ai's cat form grew sleeker and larger, stuck between the awkwardness of adolescence and the elegance of adulthood. It wasn't until Rin no longer looked down to Ai, but instead eye to eye, that he really noticed the changes.

Changes that Rin found himself staring at when Ai wasn't looking.

The edges of Ai's face sharpened where they were once smooth. His baby fat melted away into sleek, growing muscle set on a strengthening frame. Even the way he talked was more mature. The baby talk was gone, and his voice deepened, though it cracked from time to time. He was becoming a man. Well, as much of a man that a demon could be.

A very beautiful man.

Just that fact put all sorts of unease in Rin's chest.

If he aged so quickly, did that mean his life span was just as short? It couldn't have been. All demons lived longer than humans. Rin couldn't remember a single story about a young demon, they were already ageless. Ai was different than the stories Rin barely remembered, though. Watching Ai grow and struggle with his rapidly developing body made him seem far from the monster he was supposed to be. Maybe the legends were wrong.

Or maybe there was a reason the legends were only about adults.

“He's so cute!” Kou squealed the first time she met Ai, whose eyes went wide and confused. “And look at these muscles,” she cooed as she ran a hand down his arm.

“Oi,” Rin grunted as he slipped his coat on. “Don't go feeling him up like that.”

Kou knew what Ai was long before she arrived. A week ago Rin finally told her, but she couldn't work around her schedule to plan an earlier visit.

It felt wrong to keep secrets from Kou after what happened, after what he did. Every conversation, every visit, every time he looked at her there lurked an unspoken, _I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most._ The guilt dried up years ago, but the debt of his crimes were far from paid.

Crimes that he knew Kou had forgiven before they were even committed.

Ai purred when Kou rubbed his ears, his expression dreamy and content. Something about it put Rin off and he walked over to tug Ai's hat over his head. Ai blinked at Rin as if he were broken out of a spell. He smiled and purred like nothing was amiss.

It made Rin's cheeks a little hot and he looked away.

“Onii-chan!” Kou huffed at him.

“I thought you two were hungry.” Rin was already waiting at the door.

It was a cold and crisp day, but the sun was bright and clean. There were plenty of cafes and restaurants within walking distance of Rin's apartment. Rin made a disapproving click of teeth when Kou walked beside Ai with her arm hooked around his like he was already part of the family. If he were a passing stranger, he might have assumed that Ai was her boyfriend.

The thought made Rin's cheeks hot and he ducked his head farther down into the high collar of his coat to hide it.

There was a tug at Rin's coat and he looked down. It was Ai's hand and when Rin looked up, there was Ai's smile. That beautiful, sincere smile complimented by gentle bright blue eyes. Wisps of his short silver hair peeked out of his hat, circling the edges of his eyes. They looked like rare, royal jewels.

Ai gave Rin a series of slow blinks, speaking with his eyes.

Rin's cheeks grew even hotter.

“Oh. How about this cafe, onii-chan?” Kou pulled Ai over to a store front window. “It's got cats even.”

All the cats within view of the window looked up at them with tense eyes. A few of them had their tongues out, caught mid-lick. They didn't seem afraid, just very aware. The two cats closest to the window jumped away to join the others in their far away staring. Rin glanced at Ai's face and it didn't look like Ai anymore.

It was serious, blank, like a god looking down on mortals with dangerous indifference.

It almost looked challenging.

Rin didn't like it.

“No.” Rin grabbed Ai by his free arm to pull them both along. “We're not going there.”

They settled on a pizza place with high booths. Rin requested one in the back of the restaurant where they would have plenty of privacy. After they got their drinks and ordered, they set to small talk. It was mostly just Kou and Rin catching up. Ai didn't have much to say, but he didn't seem bored.

“Lemme see your ears again.” Kou tugged at his hat.

“Okay,” Ai answered with a smile as she slipped off his hat and out popped his ears.

“So cute and soft!” Kou reached up to touched them again.

“Oi, don't pull those out in public!” Rin glanced around before grabbing for Ai's hat. “Someone will see!”

“So just say it's cosplay,” Kou made a mocking pouting face.

“No one would fall for that,” Rin grunted and kept grabbing for the hat which Kou kept out of his reach.

“You don't like them?” Ai tilted his head and his collar jingled.

“No, it's--.” Rin huffed. “It's not normal for people to have giant cat ears.”

“They're fine, onii-chan.”

Ai blinked and perked up as if realization just smacked him in the face. “Oh! Okay.”

Ai cuffed his hands over his ears, covering them completely. Then he pulled his hands down to where his ears would have been if he was human. The expression on his face was one of pure concentration and he stared hard at the table top. With a huff, as if he had been holding his breath, he pulled his hands away and the cat ears were gone.

In their place were two normal human ears, though their tips were a little pointed.

“There!” Ai beamed and his tail wiggled inside his shirt. “Normal.” He grinned, showing off his canines.

“Ohhh!” Kou clapped her hands. “That was amazing!”

“Wh-What!?” Rin sputtered. “H-How long have you been able to do _that_!?”

Ai shrugged. “A couple of weeks.”

“A couple of weeks,” Rin repeated with a sigh. “And you only just did it now.”

“You didn't ask,” Ai trilled.

All Rin could do was groan.

Later that night, when Kou had gone and it was just the two them, Rin asked about his ears again. Ai explained to him that as he grew, so did his powers. He was a demon after all. The thought made Rin's stomach turn. Ai smiled all the way through his explanation, as if it were a good thing.

_Powers._

Another reminder, like a dark cloud riding in on the horizon, of what Ai really was.

 

 ----------

 

Weeks passed and Rin saw more of Ai's _powers_.

“What is that?” Alarm strained Rin's voice as he struggled to keep calm. He stood beside Ai, who sat at the kitchen table.

Ai's hand was on fire. But it was no ordinary fire. It was white and curled like smoke at the edges. Though the fire burned, it did nothing to the flesh of Ai's hand. Heat didn't radiate from it like it should have either.

“It's my spirit fire.” Ai straightened up the best he could as he looked up at Rin. He might as well have shown him a macaroni masterpiece from school.

“Spirit fire?” Rin leaned over, a hand on the back of Ai's chair. “It looks dangerous. Fire is dangerous, you know.”

“Ah.” Ai reached over for a pencil and put it through the flames. “See? I can control what it burns.”

He may have been able to control the flames that lapped harmlessly at the pencil, but not what dripped down onto the table where it became very real.

Fire.

There it was.

_Fire._

Fire like a living nightmare.

Rin controlled the resulting blaze long enough for the fire department to arrive.

It was a small fire, but the table was destroyed. Rin quietly thanked whatever he could thank that nothing else was harmed aside from some minor damages. Nothing was lost.

 _No one_ was lost

Yet Rin still felt shaky and dizzy as he stood outside in the cold with Ai, who sat on the sidewalk, head in his hands. He wore one of Rin's long coats, his tail tucked away and hidden. Rin watched as the last of the firetrucks pulled away before glancing over at Ai.

“I'm sorry,” Ai whimpered.

Adrenaline still lingered in Rin's veins, his heart still pounded. He wanted to scream. He wanted to grab Ai and really let him know just how dangerous it was. But instead Rin stared, letting his body ride the rush. The anger that simmered inside him came from a fear so deep it lived in his bones. Sometimes it made him feel like it was all he ever was; fear.

Death lived in fire like it lurked in the water.

Ai fisted his hair and rocked back and forth in a slow rhythm.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” Ai's voice cracked with a sob. “I'm sorry.”

Rin glared hard at a group of lingering onlookers whose curiosity drew them in. They backed off and turned away as if nothing had happened.

A sigh escaped Rin's lips. His breath swirled out into the cold air like a fading ghost.

It was such a small fire, so small. Yet its terror raked its claws right through him. As soon as the table went up in flames, Rin shoved Ai away. Demon or not, Rin wasn't going to let him even glance in the direction of death.

And Rin sure as hell wasn't going to watch someone die. He'd rather breathe his last before it ever came to that.

Just a small fire. That's all it was. It wasn't even a real threat. But the fear it stirred up was so very real. Too real. Rin didn't even notice the tears in his eyes until his face felt colder.

“Hey.” Rin's voice came raspy before he coughed.

Ai looked up, his eyes red and his face wet.

“You hungry?”

The trees were bare and empty branches rattled in chill winds. A blanket of gray hung heavy in thick looming clouds. They had lunch on the go and then warmed up with hot chocolate. It was the first time Ai had ever been in a real cafe and he stayed close to Rin, too close at times, but Rin tolerated it. He maybe even enjoyed it. Whenever Ai would jump at a new sound, turn his head to a new smell, Rin found himself wanting to pull him closer.

His dad did that whenever he or his sister were scared. He'd put his arm around them and smile without a word.

But Rin wasn't his father.

The cafe was too crowded and too noisy, so they walked to a local park where they could sit on a bench and watch little birds tap for scraps on the sidewalk.

“You can drink it now,” Rin glanced over at Ai, his arm stretched along the back of the bench. “It shouldn't be hot anymore.”

In Ai's earlier excitement of his first hot chocolate, he burned his tongue. Ever since, he treated his cup like a coiled snake.

Ai frowned down at his cup, sucking on his still sore tongue. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Rin took a sip of his own, keeping his eyes on Ai.

Ai watched him, blinked, then with a little huff of a breath, took a drink.

“Ah!” Ai grinned before downing half the cup. “This is really good.” There was a soft sound from inside his coat; he was wagging his tail. “Can we have this all the time?”

“I could make it for you. In the morning, when I make tea.” Rin shrugged, feeling warm despite the cold.

“You mean you could have always made this?” Ai pulled his mouth away from his cup. A tiny dab of whipped cream remained on his bottom lip.

Rin stared at it.

“I didn't think you'd—.” Rin tried to direct his eyes elsewhere, but they returned. “Well, now I know I guess.” He lifted his own cup to take a drink.

And nearly choked on it when he thought of what it would be like to clean that whipped cream off Ai's chocolate flavored lips.

“Are you okay?” Ai frowned and licked his lips like he always did when he was uneasy about something, taking the whipped cream away with it. The way Ai stayed a little tense, he was probably waiting for Rin to blow up at him.

“Really set on this human thing aren't you?” Rin cleared his throat. “Can't really call you my cat anymore.”

“Mm?” Ai tilted his head. “You're not,” his face twisted into panic, “going to leave me out here, are you? I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!”

Premature tears made Ai's eyes glisten.

Rin grunted and lifted his cup when Ai flung himself onto him, arms wrapped tight. Ai's hot chocolate fell to the ground with a splash.

“Fuck, Ai.” Rin squirmed. With his new size, Ai had gotten stronger as well. “I can't breathe, come on, Stop.”

Ai loosened his grip but didn't let go, looking up at Rin with wet eyes.

“I'm not abandoning you. Damn, you really think I'd do that?” Rin huffed, eyebrow twitching.

“A bad thing happened today. Because of me.” Ai hung his head but kept his grip on Rin's coat. “It could have been the thing that changed your mind about me. It, ah.” Ai bowed his head even lower. “You could have lost a lot of important things.”

The breeze picked up and with it came stray snowflakes. Rin looked away for a moment at the empty park. Sunset was on its way and it was far too cold for many people to be out. Those that were huddled into their coats, trying to get someplace warm as fast as they could.

Rin slipped his arm off the back of the bench and draped it over Ai. He gave him a pat and Ai looked up, mouth open and eyes wide.

“But I didn't.” Rin watched as Ai's spilled cup rolled in the wind. It was hard to keep eye contact. “And I wouldn't willingly lose another.”

The way Ai looked at him made Rin grip his cup a bit tighter. Such hope lived there in those blue eyes. Hope and much more. Rin wasn't stupid, he could see it. He could see it all. The kid was like a book with half the story written on the cover. But books were books and there was always something more inside. With so much there in the open, Rin wondered what lay in the deeper pages.

A snowflake landed on Ai's nose.

It melted like a kiss.

Rin looked away. “Don't play with that fire stuff anymore. I mean it, Ai. Promise me.”

“Y-yes! I promise. I really really do!” Ai smiled and stole a hug. When he pulled back, he looked down at his empty cup, disappointment filling his eyes.

“Here.” Rin held out his cup. It was still mostly full. Ai took it with an excited trill. “Come on, let's get home. It's too cold out here.”

Ai smiled and purred the whole way home.

 

 ----------

 

“Fuck.”

Rin sucked in a wavering breath as he ran a tiny vibrator down the length of his cock. When he brought the vibrator back up to the tip, it jingled against his piercing. It was a frenulum piercing, right beneath the head of his cock, the start of what he eventually intended to be a full ladder.

It had been far too long since Rin had set aside some time for himself.

Showers gave him privacy, but there was a difference. Working out a quick one felt as much like daily maintenance as brushing his teeth. He didn't get a chance to really _feel_ it. With Ai constantly at his heels, he rarely got the opportunity to take his time.

Rin had a case full of toys he never played with.

It was a shame, really.

After their exhausting day, Ai crashed out on the couch. Rin hoped it would be for a few hours. Still, the bedroom door was locked. Hope alone didn't care to stop an unwanted barge-in.

Rin lay on his back on the bed, legs spread. His clothes sat in a pile at the floor; he needed it too much to care. Already his cock was glistened with oil. The soft smell of cinnamon overshadowed the spice of smoke that still hung in the air.

As one hand traced the vibrator up his cock, ghosting it along the tip, the other dipped down to tease a fingertip along his asshole. Another shiver fluttered through him and a peep of a moan left his lips. In the shower he would grab his cock with a full hand, empty out an orgasm, but in bed he treated it like he was creating art.

The only light was that of a lamp set dim. Pulling his fingers away, Rin reached for a tapered, red dildo at his side and lathered it up with the oil. Up and down his hand went along its flared length until it was absolutely dripping.

In the quiet, as he pressed the tip of the dildo into himself, it would be easy for his mind to wander.

Rin lay back, his long red hair spilling over his pillow and shoulders. Strands slipped as his chest rose and fell in shivers of excitement. As he worked down to the thicker end of the dildo, he pulled the vibrator away from his cock, leaving it in want.

Rin's mind did wander.

First it went to the fantasies of the dildo in the hands of someone else, opening him up for a cock he was hungry for. Up went Rin's hips as he welcomed the dildo farther into his ass. His foot slid against the sheets. It had been so long since he had someone else go gentle and slow with him.

The deeper the dildo went the more his mind tried to convince him it was a cock, hot and throbbing, ready to fuck him raw.

Rin bit back a breathy moan.

In his hand, his vibrator still buzzed, but he still kept it there.

Not yet.

Rin gave his ass a few more minutes to adjust to the full thickness of the dildo. His muscles squeezed it in anticipation. When he pulled it out, he gasped at the sudden emptiness.

Despite the drop in stimulation, his cock stayed hard. It knew as well as Rin what came next. Setting the red dildo aside, Rin reached for the prize of all his toys. It was white, thick, and very expensive. The sort of vibrating dildo that would make any use reconsider going on the hunt for something made of flesh. Ridges ran along its length and the base was shaped like a handle.

It was waterproof too.

Once it was slicked up with oil, he turned on its lowest vibrating setting. His hips bucked the second the tip touched him and he had to fight himself not to grab his cock.

“Ahh, fuck,” Rin's moan was a near whimper. He clenched his teeth, eyes shut as he slid it in.

It was thicker than his other dildo and Rin took in gulps of breath at the feeling of how it stretched him. His hips arched up more, his whole body starving for the sensation. It didn't even make it in all the way before he started a shallow thrust with it, thumb pressing up the speed.

“Fu-fuh. Ah, fuck,” Rin hissed through his teeth as shallow thrusts became deeper, fucking himself at an angle a real cock couldn't.

That didn't keep him from thinking about one, though. One attached to someone who knew exactly what he was doing.

Someone who would slide their hands up along Rin's naked body, worshiping his body with their hands.

Someone who would lean over, whispering things hot and heavy and fucking nasty in his ear.

And then purr--.

_What._

Rin clamped his other hand on his cock, the little vibrator working its magic with each stroke. He tried to shake the growing thoughts out of his head, but they sprouted up like weeds. As long as he didn't add a face to any fantasies of someone fucking him, it would be okay.

Focus on the body.

Focus.

Rin breathed in and the exhale fluttered out. The dual vibrators working his ass and cock were tearing away his mental guards. He was in his room, alone, where thoughts were safe to have. Still, he didn't want to have them.

They were wrong.

_A lean body bent over him, claws pressed into his hips._

No.

The whine that poured from his lips was because of the vibrators, not the images that attempted to go along with them, Rin tried to convince himself.

“Hello?” A soft voice was followed by a soft, high placed scratch at the door.

Rin's entire body jerked and he grunted as he hit himself in the right spot at what was now the wrong time.

“Are you okay?” The gentle concern Ai always had was there, but his voice was deeper and smoother in a way that tightened Rin's grip on himself. The door handle rattled. “Why? Um, are you mad?”

“N-no.” Rin shut his eyes tighter, as if it'd affect his hearing too. “'m fine. Fine. Just, ah, fuckin' go away.”

Ai's voice was the last thing he wanted to hear when his hand was on his cock and a toy deep in his ass.

And yet, exactly what he wanted.

_No. No it wasn't--- fuck._

“Go away?” Ai scratched at the door. “Are you hurt? You're making a lot of noise.”

“AI!” The yell curled dangerously close to a moan and Rin panted, sliding his hand up a bit. His cock ached for release. “Fuck. Fuckin'. Please. Fuck. Just, ahh--. Go. Now.”

It was too late.

Rin could practically feel the way Ai would purr over him, looking down at him with those gorgeous eyes. He was growing into a man. _Such_ a man. A man with features that sharpened like a predator.

Ai was something dangerous.

A deadly creature with the edges of its ferocity softened. He was something built to kill yet gave only unfaltering affection.

And he looked _so_ fucking good doing it.

Fuck.

That was enough.

Fuck how wrong it was. If that's what it took to finish, that's what it took.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

_**FUCK.** _

Rin fell back limp against the bed, covered in his own shame. It was a hard one, and that fact touched hot color to his cheeks. His breaths came in short gasping pants.

Fuck.

In a flurry of shaky stumbling, Rin cleaned up, dressed and opened the bedroom door. Ai, who was laying on the floor, blinked as Rin stepped over him. With a sad trill, Ai watched as Rin slipped on his coat and his shoes.

“Are we going somewhere?” Ai's tail moved soft and slow behind him, if his ears hadn't been human they'd have drooped.

“ _I'm_ ,” Rin stressed the word,” going out.”

Ai stood and stepped towards him. “Out where?”

“Don't.” Rin snapped, his tone deep and threatening.

Ai froze and his eyes went wide.

“Don't follow me. Stay here. I'll be back later.”

The door slammed.

And for the first time, Ai was alone.

Rin didn't come back until the early hours of the morning. Opening the door was a struggle, he missed the keyhole several times before he stumbled into the apartment with a loud curse. In the darkness, Ai sat up, then lowered back down.

Rin wasn't alone.

“What's that smell?” asked the man behind Rin, with his hand trailing down Rin's back towards his ass. “Burn something?”

They both reeked of alcohol.

“Don't fuckin' worry about it.” Rin ignored the hand on his ass as he kicked off his shoes, waiting for the man to do the same before tugging him into the living room.

“Myao,” came a small meow in the darkness. Rin swayed towards it.

“A cat?”

“Yeah. Just a sec.” Rin scooped up Ai, who shivered in his hands. “Just gonna toss him in the bathroom.”

Ai didn't give Rin a chance to set him down. Instead he jumped from Rin's hands and looked up at him from the middle of the bathroom floor. Fearful questioning swam in Ai's eyes and Rin just stared, his face cold and blank.

He shut the door as the man slid up behind him.

“Don't want him interrupting us?” The man growled in Rin's ear.

Rin turned his head to the side and pulled away. “Bedroom's this way.”

Like a dog in heat, the man followed.

The motions went like they always did when Rin invited some decent looking guy home. On the bed, Rin let the man undress him and himself. They never cared if they had to do most of the work. At times Rin felt like he was doing them a service just to let them touch him. Without the alcohol dulling his senses, he'd never let them slide their hands all over him the ways that they did.

Rin was well aware of how he looked like a dripping steak to all those lonely, hungry men.

Some even had the balls to leave him their number.

The man went for Rin's lips and instead Rin gave him his neck. Clumsy hands fumbled with Rin's pants as Rin tried to touch him back, but it didn't feel right. Usually it was no problem to just see them for what they were, a fuck he'd never even learn the name of. But when Rin laid his hands on the man's sides, a shudder trembled through him.

Not a good one.

Over the sound of the man's excited breathing, there was something else. Something soft, outside the room.

Something like crying.

“Fuck, you're beautiful,” the man groaned as his hands admired Rin's bare chest.

Rin look over at the door. “I know.”

It didn't feel right. So much didn't feel right. Rin lay back as the man bowed to lick his chest. He'd done this before so many times, so many. Turning his head, Rin watched the way his hair flowed over his pillow.

Ai wasn't there to fill the empty space.

Rin's stomach twisted.

He felt sick.

He felt absolutely _disgusting_.

The man moved back up to Rin's neck, kissing at first.

Rin felt a sharpness and shoved at him. “Oi, don't fucking leave marks.”

“Sorry.” The man laughed, dipping his hands into Rin's underwear. His touch was rough and careless.

In the momentary quiet, Rin heard it again; crying. Ai was crying in the bathroom, alone and obedient while Rin let some stranger climb in their-- his bed. Rin put a hand to his head, gripping his hair with a frustrated groan.

It was amazing at how good he was at fucking everything up.

“Get off me.” Rin tugged the man's hands away and started to sit up.

“Wha--? Come on, baby.” The man leaned closer with a grin. “Do ya want a blow first, that it?”

“No.” Rin shoved and the man stumbled to the floor. “Get out.”

“The fuck is your problem?” The man grunted as he righted himself.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Rin growled, fists clenched and muscles tight, “Now.”

“Okay, okay. Fuck.”

After the man was gone, Rin let out a long sigh before glancing over at the bathroom. It was silent. Rin had to push himself to walk towards the bathroom. Each footstep felt like a march to something terrible. And it was terrible, facing consequences was never easy. Rin's hands hovered over the handle before he, with a preparatory breath, opened it.

Ai sat on the floor exactly where Rin had left him, except he wasn't a cat. He sat with his legs pulled up to his chest, arms hugging them as his head bowed down over his knees.

“Hey,” Rin's voice was small.

Ai's tail twitched.

Rin's eyes felt wet and full.

Fuck did he hate himself.

 _He_ was the monster, not Ai.

A heaviness settled over Rin's shoulders and he ran a hand through his hair, tugging it a little. “You want some scrambled eggs?”

Ai nodded, not lifting his head.

Half a dozen eggs later, Ai sat at the coffee table since they had no other. He made a little chirp when he grabbed a handful of hot egg, but pushed it into his mouth all the same. Rin sat behind him on the couch, shoulders slack from the heavy weight of his troubled thoughts.

They hadn't spoken since Rin let Ai out of the bathroom.

Ai turned around to look at Rin, his hand resting on top of his half empty plate.

Though there was no malice in those bright blue eyes, Rin still felt a sting in his chest.

“Who was that?” Ai's voice was soft, curious, and it only perked Rin's defenses.

Rin kept his tired eyes on Ai's. “Nobody.”

“You let him touch you.” Ai glanced down and licked his lips before looking up again. “Is he your mate?”

Rin blinked before his brows furrowed with a squint. “What? No, fuck no.”

“Then why? Why'd he come here and-- do things, leave his smell on you.” The tip of Ai's tail thumped against the ground as he watched Rin with intense eyes. He looked so mature wearing that expression.

“Ah, ffffah.” Rin breathed, eyes searching the room for some escape, but finding none. Another sigh and he rubbed his face with a grunt. “Seemed right at the time.”

The look Ai gave him told Rin that he saw through the bullshit.

Ai sat up straighter, taking in a breath. “I could do it.”

“Do what?” Rin eyed him, not sure if he wanted the answer.

A smile, far too sweet for a face so sharp, lit Ai's lips.

“Be your mate.”

“Uh.” Heat hit Rin's face and he stood. “I really need a shower. I fucking reek.”

“I could. I really could.”

Rin headed into the bathroom, waving a hand. He let out a little laugh. If he kept it a joke maybe it'd go away.

A shower hadn't felt that good in a long time. The stink of the night went down the drain, but still the heavy guilt and shame remained. There was the whole “mate” business to deal with too. Rin took his time drying himself off. Ai was getting older, becoming a _man_ , of course he'd have thoughts like that.

Neutering him was _definitely_ out of the question.

Ai wasn't in the living room when Rin left the bathroom. The apartment was dark except for the dull glow of the bedroom lamp. When Rin stepped inside his bedroom, Ai was sitting on the end of the bed, a stack of photo albums beside him and one open in his lap. The bedsheets from before were tossed in a pile on the floor and replaced, far from neatly, with clean ones.

Rin gave a small smile, sure to extinguish it by the time he got over to the bed.

“Pretty serious about the smell thing, huh?”

Ai looked up, his face wet.

Rin sat down next to him. He still wasn't used to how close in height they had become.

“About earlier---,” Rin looked over at the bed stand with a huff, the clock displaying an early hour, “all that shit. I was just--”

“It's okay,” Ai turned to smile at him, his eyes sparkling with tears.

Rin watched him for a moment, not sure if he should enjoy the relief of not having to explain himself, or succumb to the guilt that remained perched on his shoulders.

“It is.” Ai nodded and a tear rolled down. His voice was soft, soothing, as if Rin was the one who needed comforting. “You didn't do anything wrong. So don't worry about it, okay? You're back now. That's good enough for me.”

Rin's stomach dropped. He'd rather have Ai scream at him.

Have him roar with a fury Rin deserved.

“What do you mean I didn't do anything wrong?” Rin's tone sharpened and he huffed out his nose. “I just fucking left you. Brought some random asshole home.”

“It should.” Ai took a breath, speaking slow and monotone. “It should be okay for you to leave me. I shouldn't. I shouldn't.” He closed his eyes and swallowed before opening his eyes again and meeting Rin's. “I shouldn't have to be near you all the time. R-right?”

“Oi.” Rin sighed and pushed back his damp hair. The look on Ai's face was physically painful. “There's a difference between not being around someone sometimes and just being a straight asshole. And that was a beautiful example of it. I made you cry. You're _still_ crying.”

A smile, soft and sad, grew on Ai's face. He lifted an arm to wipe at his tears, as if he just realized they were there. “Ah, no. It's not because of that.”

Rin went tense. The feel in the air, where the conversation could have gone, was far too close to things he would rather keep in the dark places that they belonged in.

“Then what?”

Ai tilted up the photo album in his hands. It was full of photos of Rin when he was a kid. Kou was in many of them, some with his friends, others with his mother and father. They were all from happy times, where all the smiles on his little face were genuine.

“I'm sorry,” Ai looked down at them, a mournful but happy tone in his voice, “I'm sorry I didn't get to see you grow up.”

Rin blinked.

“Ah, well. Of course you couldn't have. You're not even a year old yet.”

That thought felt so fucking weird that Rin had to push it out as soon as it climbed into his head.

Ai's tail curled around himself. “Um, I wish I. I wish I could have been there. When you needed me.”

With gentle hands, Rin lifted the photo album out of Ai's grasp and set it with the others on the floor.

“You're here now, aren't you?”

Ai's breath caught in his throat.

Before the mood could change, Rin ruffled Ai's hair. Ai ducked, but not enough to lose the touch. Rin's fingers fell away and he slumped down into bed, not bothering with the messy covers.

Ai stayed at the edge of the bed, as if he was held back by unseen boundaries.

“I'm serious.” Ai's voice was small as he peeked over his shoulder at Rin.

“About?” Rin lay back, his arms behind his head.

“That man. If you ever wanted to do the things you were going to do, I could do them.” The rigid way Ai held himself, it seemed like he feared whatever the answer might be. His eyes were nothing but wells of trembling honesty.

Rin glanced away at the wall. “What makes you think that?”

Ai scooted a little closer to him along the edge of the bed. “I would be good.”

Rin watched as Ai moved before he spoke.“Would you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Rin met his eyes again. “Why would you want to do that?”

“I fell in love with you.” Ai took a deep breath, his tail snaking into his hands where he wrung it with shaky hands. “The very first time I met you. The very first time. The day you saved me. And, um, if I did the things you wanted to do. The um, the things like that, I'd know you'd be safe.”

“Wouldn't you be getting something out of it too?” Rin raised a brow, ignoring the tightness in his chest.

Ai lowered his head like a submitting animal. Despite the dip of his body, he scooted closer again, nearly to Rin's hip. “I'm not like them.”

“No?”

Ai lifted his head and stared hard at Rin. “No.”

He was close enough for Rin to clearly hear his breathing. It was quicker than normal and a little labored, as if he put great effort into controlling whatever was going on in that head of his.

“You sound like a child.”

Ai tightened his grip on his tail. “I'm not a child.”

“You're st--”

“And I'm not a cat either,” Ai huffed, his voice rising. “I might not be a human, but I'm a person. I am. I just, I want—. I want you to see me like that. I want you to see me. _Me_. Not as anything but me.”

Rin's eyes widened. Ai's whole lanky frame shook. The hold on his tail looked painful, as if he wanted nothing more than to tear it off.

Silence followed.

Ai sat there, trying to take proper hold of his breathing. Rin watched with seeming disinterest in his eyes. It was his mask, like a silent judge, keeping him safe from the prying eyes of those who wanted to read him. It was such a short time, the handful of months with Ai, yet he fell into place like anyone else he'd known for years.

He was like a habit, old and new at the same time.

It was all so exhausting.

“I'll tell them.” Rin reached out and ran a few fingers down Ai's arm. His skin was near as soft as his fur.

Ai looked at the hand first, then to Rin. Tears gathered in his eyes again.

“You won't have to hide anymore. You like that, don't you? You liked it with Kou.” Rin kept his gaze on Ai's arm, following the stitches in his shirt sleeve. “You can meet my friends, you know, properly.”

“Ah.” Ai swallowed with a squeak.

“You came to me as a baby.” Rin set his hand atop Ai's. “And you're growing so fast now. Don't you think it's hard to see you as anything other than when I first met you?”

Ai smiled and tears fell again. “I-I. I do. I, ah, I know.” The way Ai tightened his lips, it seemed like he had more to say, so much more.

He chose silence instead.

“Shit. I don't even know how old you're supposed to be.”

“I'm older than you think.” For just a moment, his voice lost the warmth it had before.

“Anyway,” Rin tugged on Ai's shirt, forcing him to lean over. “You're my roommate from now on, got it?”

“Y-yes!”

With a huff of a laugh, and some very careful maneuvering, Rin rolled Ai over him so that he lay beside him. Ai made little more protest than a surprised grunt, but seemed happy to be back with Rin's hair, which had dried some. As soon as his head hit the pillow he lifted up, taking a deep breath of Rin's scent.

Ai's arm slowly sneaked across Rin's chest and Rin let it. With no snap of displeasure from Rin, Ai's hand only stopped once it was at Rin's shoulder and he had him in a sort of half hug. Shifting a bit, Rin pulled his arm around to pet Ai's hair. It felt exactly like his fur and Ai purred.

Never had Rin laid in bed with such an unguarded closeness.

Despite the fact Ai suggested intimacy, it was hard to see it as anything past desperate innocence. Still, worry chewed at the bottom of his stomach. It was that innocence, so bright and genuine, that kept the looming guilt.

Relationships were messy and cold and painful and Ai deserved none of that.

Sleep had already taken Ai and his breath slowed, soft and steady. Rin leaned over, lips in Ai's soft warm hair.

The rough musk of smoke still lingered.

Smoke that reminded him of fire and what fire could do.

What it could take away.

Rin didn't want to lose this.

He couldn't, he just couldn't. He had already had enough loss to last a lifetime. Just the thought of Ai not being there, happy and eager to see him, made him feel empty. It made him ache the way his nightmares made him ache.

It made him feel cold to think about a world without Ai.

Yet there he was, warm and alive, like a fire that did not burn.

 

 ----------

 

Rin called Makoto the following morning after breakfast .

“Ah, good morning Rin. How are you doing today?” Makoto had the sort of smile that traveled with his voice.

“Hey. M'fine. Had some stuff happen yesterday, but we're fine.”

“Eh? Some stuff? Is everything okay?”

He'd find out sooner or later. It would be better to tell Makoto upfront than have him hear it from someone else and fret over it.

“Eh, just a small fire.”

The rest of the night's events could go forever untold.

“A fire!?” Makoto sputtered.

“Everything's fine, it's all fine,” Rin reassured him. “We only lost the table, and there is some damage to the floor, but nothing was else got damaged. Nobody got hurt.”

“Ah, wow, Rin. I'm really sorry about that. Glad to hear you're safe. What happened?”

“It was Ai. He was ah, playing with some fire and--.”

“Ah. Ahhh. He's getting to that age already, hm? They grow pretty fast, don't they?” There was a chuckle in Makoto's voice.

Rin blinked. “What?”

“Eh?”

Rin threw his arm out into the air. “You're acting like that's a normal thing!”

“It is, though.”

“What?” Rin squinted his eyes.

“I know a lot of cats, Rin.” Makoto's voice softened to that warm, amber smooth tone. The tone that made him sound more like a parent than a friend.

“And you just knew? How?”

“His tail really gives it away,” Makoto laughed. “Those kind are a real special sort. Though most of them live their lives like anyone else, never heard of one playing pet like that before.”

“Oi.” Rin went a little tense and grumbled. “He's not my pet.”

“That's why you called, isn't it, Rin? Normally you'd just text me.”

“Yeah, ah.” Rin ran his fingers back through his hair. “I told him he could be my roommate, that'd I'd tell you guys about him. He's really set on being a human.”

“Well, like I said, his kind is a real special sort. They don't normally spend much time in their feline forms. With the older ones, it can be almost impossible to tell if they are human or not. Though,” Makoto's voice went thoughtful. His finger was probably at his chin, “it really is strange that he'd want to be anywhere near you at such a young age-- before his powers mature.”

“I--.” Rin started a thought before memories tore them away.

_You were there. You came. You came for me. No one else did. You did, just you. You made me safe._

_You--- made me Ai._  

Rin looked over at Ai, who was nearly done with his plate of scrambled eggs. They made eye contact and Ai smiled with a wag of his tail.

“I dunno.” Rin shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe it really means something to a demon to save it.”

“Or maybe _you're_ the special one here, not him.” Makoto teased with another laugh and Rin huffed at it. “Ah, I've got to get going now. I'll talk to you later. Take care, you two. Bye now.”

“Yeah, you too. Bye.”

It wasn't until Rin set his phone down that he realized he was blushing.


End file.
